26 more minutes to turning 19 years old.

It feels like any other ordinary day, no excitement, no exceptations... nothing. There's been too much on my mind and if birthday wishes really ever do come true, I wished I've got somebody to lean on when everything falls apart and I could empty this bucket of issues altogether at the same time.

It's been a long while since I've felt this messed up. So messed up I'm feeling numb about everything and the importance of it. Doing things I'd never imagine doing... taking escape routes out of the entire scene, thinking back a lot more of how things were so much more in place as compared to now, and constantly wondering if this is more of who I am.. or less of what I should be.



I haven't felt so upset on any of my birthdays before.

I'm always late for everything, I was late to surprise Sheldon during his dinner break for his 4-midnight shift. So late he was only left with 15 minutes before he had to be back with the apron around his waist.

He suggested I sat in TCC and get some stuff done on my notebook. So I did. I sat there for 4 hours alone, and I didn't feel one bit uneasy. He lent me his iTouch and I watched Step Up 2 on it. Passed me his 'Everything about Wine' book to read, but really I couldn't be bothered it served more of a purpose to give an incline to the iTouch screen while I watched the movie.

I drew out design plans on how my packed room would look, made a shopping list on what to get from Ikea, made a 'what-to-do-before-hols-end' list, and made many other lists like 'what-songs-to-download' list, 'what-clothes-i-should-sell' list.. Yeah you get my drift. It was the closest I could be to him when he was on operation. He'll just pop by to see what I'm doing whenever there isn't much servicing to do. I spent 10 bucks to be there with him. And to pay for him to refill my glass of water whenever it's empty. Haha shit why can't he just work at Mcd or smth so I could settle for a 1.50$ hot fudge sundae?!

I feel so miserable. I was just telling a friend about how I think my life's screwed up, but then again it's probably me that made everything feels like it's screwed up.

Now, I feel caught between being a teen and an adult. Pretty much a end-teen/pre-adult crisis, like you know how people get caught with a mid-age crisis in their thirties/forties when they realise they're no longer young or that their butt starts to sag when cellulites hit in or something.. I wonder.

I've been receiving letters, not like parcels in the online shopping frequency about there, but letters like real real letters with those private and confidential stamp marked on it, those sealed from the bank etc...

I never used to receive letters so often you know, and pardon my unjustified point of view but I'll like to think of it as a sign of growing up. Like, you start to have documents to file about your income, bank statements, those stuff that goes straight to the study room. And, I upgraded my POSB Go! card to the orange debit one, and I could probably already say I do own a credit card somewhat, except that my own account balance is taken in note with every swipe I take.

I start to think about future, plan about future.. and okay probably worry a little about my future. Sheldon thinks I'm the most fortunate person in the world to have everything planned out for me in life. I have a great family, great environment, great friends, great education route, and of cos the greatest boyfriend.

But I'm probably the worst banker in the world and I'm going to be graduating with a diploma on Banking and Financial Services when I can't even manage my own finance. I can't control my spendings and the ratio to what I spend and get would just be the same as when I'm an adult. Then I thought of my future boring-until-can-snore job as a banker or financial consultant, having to wear suffocating dull coloured office clothes everyday I, will, die....

I pretty much want to open a shop in some isolated but pretty place, that sells all sorts of shoes having only a pair for every size in each design. I picture all four walls to be shelved with shoes that reached the ceiling, and my shop will be so successful that people from JB will want to drive down to SG just to visit it. Haha sure what a dream, but that's something I'll definitely do if there were no boundaries, no responsibility, no obstacles. It's my.... dream. Yes this is my dream.

Alright, snap back to reality.

I don't even have savings started out yet for my first car. Yes, I'll have to buy my first car but maintanence would be under the folks. Either that, or they'll get me the car and I'll have to maintain it - which would cost more in the long run. DANG MY VW VW VW I WANT A VW.

AND I'LL BE DRIVING. LIKE IN A YEAR, well hopefully when I pass all my pracs smoothly after signing up sometime next week. I used to think of the picture of me driving being so farfetched, now it's just a matter of choice if I wanted pick up this picture frame for me to be in it.

It's a ramble. But it isn't senseless ramblings. I feel old, and my shoulders weigh heavier when I see more of my bigger picture getting clearer.

I was probably inspired by that white strand of hair Sheldon spotted and plucked out of my scalp on Bus 36 while we were on our way to the East from Town.

Then again, I'm a kid cos I'm so addicted to gaming.. for now.
Fucking L4D sucks up my life when I lan.

Everyone's so intriged by my puppy/puppies. I realised I don't have much photos of them that everytime I'd liked to mention about them I have to rip off images/vids uploaded on blogs from others that oh-your-puppy-so-cute me when they specially paid me visits not to see me but the puppy. Singular now and no longer plural as puppies because there's only one now at my place, while the other two's been given to new owners already.




Yeah look at Baby. Her name's simply Baby bcos... it's not exactly gonna be ours but yet we got to give it a name for it to respond for the time being whilst taking care of her. Baby was suppose to be given away as well, but she made life a living hell from my dad's colleague that wanted her initially; by crying the night away and peeing and shitting at all the most guailan places possible... Guess she's quite a pain.

She's the oldest of the 3 females. Doesn't she have the colour of LV's classic geometrical logo? Haha, Sheldon thinks she should be called Miumiu though. That is if there's no takers after my mum puts the advert up for sale, then we'll keep it for good. Hopefully that'll happen... and bcos it's not mine for now, I make a stand to not get too attached to it so I wouldn't cry buckets when it's gone.

But three dogs means more poo and flies everywhere...

Okay who were those that missed the first round of Cheap Mondays we ordered, I'm gonna have a go at it again in an even smaller size(-.-.. one size smaller the previous time still loose) at that same goddamn shoik price. So tell me(sms/msn) if you want okay. I need 10 orders and I really want my pair in grey 27.

Sheldon didn't have work today(WOW) cos he's been transferred over to servicing instead of being at TCC's central kitchen due to allergies. And they needed a day to settle the transfer over to the T3 branch. It's not a keng fo'sure okay, but doh of course servicing's better don't need to hear mushroom stock pronounced as mashrumsocket and chilli beef being called kilibeet from the PRCs he's surrounded with at the kitchen everyday. It's actually, pretty amusing.

Summed the day with pretty much guy-ish activities. It was a 4 guys 1 girl affair for L4D at Katong for 3 hours and the night for a thai horror film at Cine - Coming Soon. It's so fucking scary Sheldon and I screamed together cos I think I scare him at the climax parts when I just jerk from my seats out of nowhere... and then Dayan and all were scared too when Sheldon kajiaoed them from behind. We were two/three seats away from the screen and it makes it all worse the gruesome Chaba face extra impactful.

We chose our classes today, and the gang reunites instead of being spilted up among three classes. (: Results(that sucked) were only back awhile ago and now I feel like school's gonna start so soon that I packed a third of my room last night.

You know, it's somewhat too good to be true.. I'm hoping conflicts will be of non-existance when the project peak period rolls in. This people too precious to have friendships ruin, really. I'm still so sad Gek Peng and Robin didn't want to be with us!

Okay my confession comes. I'm blogging such a wordy post finding more things to say now only because I'm afraid to sleep alone. Gosh I'm such a pussy..

I've been out for 12 hours straight with Sheldon today and I'm dead beat tired. Expo for Adidas Sale(DISAPPOINTMENT) so yeah left empty-handed, and Novena Square for Adidas again. Sheldon bought female sneakers in the biggest size HA and that band thingum we're acting stupid with above, and I found my second true love in a jacket that costed pretty okay but I didn't get it. Why? Cos I haven't got my fucking allowance for the second half of March for the very reason of my room being messy. WTF my mum wants me to pack my room and mantain it for three days before my allowance can be given.

Anyway, we basically had a day without plans planned. Watched Paul Blart Mall Cop in town after shopping, and it was.. a humour stuffed show. HAHA STUFFED. Kevin James so freaking fat it's funny. Then we went over to Siglap for LTN to meet Simran for dinner. Days like these was almost an everyday affair for the both of us, now it's so precious when there's only one full day in a week to be spent like a proper date.

My saturday two days ago had plans for Homeclub flea in the afternoon with the girls, then for dinner somewhere and then for some drinking at night.. BUT I slept all the way till 5 in the evening when I got home from qingming at 10 and woke up to like 49382 messages on how plan was changed cos A can't make it and B gonna be late and C had something cropped up. SO...

( pictures under cut )

AND WHY DOES A MEDIUM ILT AT HEEREN'S MCD COST US TWO-FUCKING-DOLLARS-AND-FUCKING-85CENTS WHEN I SAW THE PRICES AT SIGLAP MCDS IN THE NIGHT ON THE SAME DAY HAVING A MEDIUM AT 2.40$?!! Even the Large size was at 2.60$. So now they're trying to act like Europe where H&Ms in the larger cities have higher prices than those in the smaller towns. So cb.

This is random, but.....




My head was so big that I had problems fitting into Peishi's bike helmet.

Sheesha last wednesday when Sheldon and Tim were D&D-ing, check out picture #3 when Tania ate the @#$%& sweet HAHAH SO FUNNY. Gavin had it in too but he's a calm man. And we witnessed it. Haha will reveal what sweet it is soon...

I know I'm so slow at updating. But I'm just not the sort that updates about dailys I'm too much of a sloth. And I'm only doing so now bcos I don't want to sleep too early so I'll wake up later tomorrow to burn more time. I lead a sad life.







Been having lots of stayovers, Imee stayed over on impromptu on Monday night(bcos she was lazy to go home.. -.-) just before I stayed over at Tania's last night for some FrdyFxtn business. Pictures turned out pretty nice and.. I guess 'twas all worth it after the mess we made out of her room(first pic) and those two pictures were brilliant. Shit man I feel like getting all the rings from her... Actually it's more of wanting to get a better camera in replacement for my crappy Casio Exilim that always produces overexposed pictures. I have too many wants, like the 445$ Agnes B Red wallet that's only a dream.

I MUST, STOP.

THINK SAVE. THINK VOLKSWAGON SOME CRAPPY 2ND HAND THAT MAY GET YOU ANYWHERE.

I met Win and SK at Parkway this afternoon, without much plans and we decided to L4D after Aston's for lunch at Katong. I'm so addicted to L4D it must stop, I've been going lan-ing for like... an average of 3-4 times a week. IS THAT BAD?

Mindless days reached its end and and year 1 results will reach me via SMS on the morning of the 20th. Hopefully a GPA of 3 or more, but I guess I'm much more desperate to be passing everything at least so I wouldn't need to retake any modules next semester.